so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
