I'm jealous of your bromance
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
