also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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