You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
