I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
