I CAN MOONWALK!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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