He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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