Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
