I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
