I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
