Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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