I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
