I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
