Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
someone owes me an orgasm
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize