FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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