God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
