Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
