i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
