i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
