My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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