ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
