Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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