i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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