is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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