there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
