I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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