I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
