You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Enjoy the penises
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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