Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
