I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
