drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
