I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
