i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
