you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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