Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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