I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
