my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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