too bad you live with your parents still
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
