He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
