my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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