ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
