I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wear drunk well.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
