you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
