How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
