I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
third nipple confirmed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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