Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
