she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
