Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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