Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
