I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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