Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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