I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
