home. puking in laundry basket.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
