I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
