I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
