It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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