my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
