Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
