Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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