Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
