the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
