Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
