At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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