I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
