Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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