How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
