He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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