i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
