maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
