dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
